Wonderland Reflections: Why Singaporeans Don’t Talk about Their Sacrifices and the Fear of Dying Alone

I recently came across a Singaporean movie, Wonderland that was highly recommended by Mr Brown on his Facebook post. I watched the movie last week and walked away with lots of thoughts about the story in the movie. Spoiler alert! If you intend to watch this movie, I suggest that you stop reading this post and watch the movie first.

Wonderland captures much more than just a nostalgic glimpse into the past. It digs deep into the core of what it means to be a Singaporean, highlighting traits that are both admired and, at times, questioned. One of the movie’s most striking aspects is how it portrays the protagonist, Loke, choosing to keep his sacrifices and hardships a secret. I think many Singaporeans adopt the same approach as well, choosing not to openly talk about their struggles in life, be it financially or otherwise. The movie also made me think about another issue: the concept of living and eventually dying alone. Lastly, I think we should appreciate the often-underestimated role of community and the much-maligned “busybody” neighbours and residents’ committee volunteers.

Cultural Norms of Resilience and Self-Reliance

In Wonderland, we see Loke go to great lengths to support his daughter, Eileen. He sells his beloved kampong home and moves into a small one-room flat, yet he never reveals these sacrifices to Eileen. This behavior mirrors a deeply ingrained cultural value in Singapore: resilience and self-reliance. We are always willing to sacrifice to make everything better for our loved ones.

Our history as a nation that rapidly developed from a third-world to a first-world country has ingrained in us the belief that enduring hardship without complaint is a virtue. Admitting struggles or seeking help may be perceived as weakness, a deviation from the stoic path that many Singaporeans have been conditioned to follow.

The Desire to Protect Our Loved Ones

Loke’s secrecy is driven by his desire to protect his daughter from the harsh realities of life–that his wife’s death was due to suicide after giving birth to his daughter. This selfless act resonates with many Singaporean parents who believe that shielding their children from hardship is part of their duty. By bearing the burden alone, they hope to allow their children to thrive without the weight of guilt or concern.

In the movie, Loke’s dedication to his daughter’s well-being is evident when he lies about his financial capabilities to send her abroad, highlighting the extent to which parents will go to provide better opportunities for their children. While this sounds extreme to many, I think in this day and age, parents may make other forms of financial sacrifices to help their children get ahead.

The Reality of Dying Alone

The reality of dying alone is a powerful and universal one, yet it feels more acute in the context of a fast-paced society like Singapore. If you think about it, there is a high chance of each of us eventually living and dying alone. Even for those who are married with kids, it is only a matter of time when your kids will get married and leave the nest and then you are left with a 50-50 chance of outliving your spouse.

I thought about this while watching the movie, specifically at the scenes of Loke’s isolation following his daughter’s death. His life once filled with purpose, became a silent struggle that he endures alone. This resonates with the growing issue of elderly individuals in Singapore who live and die alone, some going unnoticed for days. Despite being surrounded by people, there is a profound sense of isolation that can arise when one feels disconnected from meaningful relationships.

The Value of Community: The Role of Residents’ Committees

Wonderland also brings to light the importance of community, capturing the essence of the “kampong spirit.” Loke’s neighbors and Lisa, the residents’ committee member rally around him, offering support in subtle but meaningful ways, such as checking in on him, bringing him food, or involving him in community activities. This is reminiscent of the residents’ committees (RCs) in our HDB estates. While often seen as meddlesome or intrusive, these committees play a crucial role in keeping residents engaged and connected.

The RCs organise activities that bring people together, provide a support system, and foster a sense of belonging. In a city where everyone is busy, these committees serve as the first line of defense against isolation. In a way, they help to ensure that no one is left entirely alone, even if it’s through something as simple as a knock on the door to say hello or a friendly face at a community event.

Fostering a Spirit of Openness

Reflecting on Wonderland and our cultural tendencies, it becomes clear that while resilience is admirable, there is also strength in vulnerability. If Loke had been more open about his struggles, he might have found more support and solace from those around him. As Singaporeans, we should move towards embracing openness about our hardships, recognising that sharing burdens can actually lighten them. Opening up does not make us weaker; it fosters deeper connections and mutual understanding.

Building a Compassionate Community

Wonderland is a reminder of the importance of community and the dangers of isolation. It calls us to celebrate and support the efforts of residents’ committees and other community groups that keep us connected. Whether it’s through organising events, checking on elderly residents, or simply being there for one another, these small acts of kindness are vital.

Ultimately, the movie encourages us to ensure that we do not live—and die—alone. It invites us to revive the kampong spirit, to look out for one another, and to share our joys and struggles alike. After all, a burden shared is a burden halved, and in sharing, we might just find the comfort and community we deeply need. Maybe we should be that busybody neighbour who can help to engage the elderly residents living in our block.